1. What do the Cardinals, the Blue Jays, and the Mighty Ducks have in
common? They're all groups of things.
2. What do "Chicken Run", "Bird on a Wire" and "The Crow" all have in
common? They all have a 'c' in them, except for "Bird on a Wire".
It has a 'b' in it.
3. People who put out food for birds are stupid. Birds don't eat food.
They eat worms.
4. Penguins are an oddity in the world of nature, because they are the
only birds who cannot fly. The same thing goes for ostriches.
5. In the northern hemisphere, birds fly south in the winter and north in
the summer. In the southern hemisphere, they do the exacty opposite: they
fly north in the summer, and south in the winter.
6. It never fails: no sooner have I finished washing my car, when a bunch
of birds fly by, notice how shiny and clean it is, and steal it.
7. You may've heard of the donkey that played football, or the chimp that
played hockey, but did you know there was a bird that played basketball?
Maybe you've heard of Larry Bird, the famous Boston Celtics? Well, the
bird was a friend of his.
8. I find it very relaxing to go to the park and feed the pigeons with the
old people. It's just so therapeutic, breaking the old people into tiny,
9. Bird-hunting is pretty easy these days, with our powerful rifles and
high-tech bird dogs, but it wasn't always this way. Used to be you'd hunt
birds with stones, which are a lot harder to throw than guns. Before
stones were invented, all you could do was throw a handful of water and
hope the bird drowned.
10. I bought that big Audubon Society Bird Guide, but it turned out to be
a total rip-off. There's not a single good recipe in it!
11. I was doing some research recently, and I found something interesting.
It turns out that chickens aren't really birds, but are actually a type of
12. Perhaps the most well-known inmate in the history of the American
prison system was the famous Birdman of Alcatraz. It is believed that he
looked a little like a bird, or maybe his name was "Bird".
13. On my 14th birthday, my dad decided to tell me about the birds and the
bees. We walked out back, past the henhouse, past the apiary, past the
ol' porn shack. Then he got distracted by something, and died. I never
did find out what he wanted to tell me.
14. The Phoenix is a mythical bird that is periodically consumed in
flames, only to rise from the ashes, reborn. Phoenix, on the other hand,
is a city in Arizona where burning down a warehouse gets you 7-10 years.
15. When I was a kid, my favorite part of Thanksgiving was after the meal,
when Grandma would pick pick two of the kids to break the wishbone. We'd
grab it with our greasy little hands, and try with all our might to break
it. Now that I'm an adult, I can buy a turkey any time I want, and I can
rip the whole thing apart with my bare hands, no problem. And because I
get both halves of the wishbone, all my wishes come true.
16. I put a birdhouse in my yard, and some birds moved in right away.
Then yesterday I was peeking in their windown, and I found that they'd
built a nest inside. What the hell? I bought them a house so they
wouldn't have to live in filth. I guess some people just like living that
17. A good way to make a little extra money is to build birdhouses out of
scrap wood, and then rent them out to homeless birds.
18. It takes at least twelve geese to stuff a single queen-sized
comforter, or as many as thirty if you only use the feathers.
19. There's nothing more majestic and inspiring than the mighty American
Bald Eagle. That's why I had one stuffed and mounted in my cubicle. It
really helps me get through the day.
20. There once was a poor man who had no bed to sleep in or food to eat.
One day a magical, golden chicken appeared before him, and offered to
grant him three wishes. That night, he slept on a soft feather pillow,
his belly filled with a delicious meal. Then, for his first wish...